The First and Last
by Psycofoxx
Summary: Vivi's life after the end of the game.


_"First and Last" is a stand alone that occurs in the same world as "The Last" and "Last and Alone". This story is Vivi's POV. If you like this one check out the other ones too._

The First and Last

Sometimes I wonder if things might have gone differently. Oddly though, it is Kuja that concerns me. I never doubt Zidane's ability to return to us, he's done so much at other times. When the light reflects off the stream at sunset, it casts a red light like the light of Terra, I remember him. Now that things have ended and I am left to the quiet here in the village, I wonder. I hated him for so long, as much as I have been capable of hate, and yet, he was so much like us. He was created to destroy, and in the end, he was betrayed by his maker as well. I wonder now, how much of what we saw was his programming, like the silent mages that ran his ships. Was his last action that of desperation, or was that his true self? I suppose Zidane might know the truth, when he returns.

I feel old now. Not that I really understand the concept of old, but I am older than the others in this village. Older than they will likely ever be. I was older than them before, but then I still felt like a child. I was a child then. But I was the youngest of my companions then – except Eiko, and now I am the oldest – except Mikoto, interesting how things change. I think the surroundings make me act older, since now I am the responsible one.

Bobby Corwen evidently left while we were gone, he's finding his own kind. I think that's best for him. The two who raised him were sad, but there are quite a few new friends to distract them now. It makes me smile to think of all the people who have come to our village now. They built this village to be like all the ones from the story books, but something is missing.

Mr.475 told me that Mikoto was saying strange things today at the graveyard, but he smiles when he says it. I don't suppose that I should be too concerned. Mikoto has been hurt a lot, she lost her world. I think it's like what happened to the other mages when they lost their last chance at life, when Kuja lied to them. I stand by her sometimes, but I never say a word, like I did with them. I don't know if she even knows I'm there. She acts likes she's hiding from the world. I think she's beginning to understand though, and that she'll get through okay. The sky is blue today with the mist finally clearing. I finally understand what we've been missing.

The others are shocked when I first say that I plan to leave for awhile, but now I know, we need small ones – children. The mist makes us, and the mist is disappearing, but I think I can still find some underground and in valleys where it has settled. I see Mikoto watching me as I prepare for my first journey, I think that she understands, but she still does not smile. I wonder why Zidane takes so long in returning.

Traveling is hardest when I come to cities. The monsters now are not capable of harming me, and even those few that remain grow weaker. The towns are hard because very few people have seen a black mage, beyond the mindless ones that served Kuja. I am met with anger, with fear, and it only occasionally becomes curiosity when they see that I can speak, sometimes it is compassion, because I still stutter when confronted with others outside the village. I don't really blame them. The people at Dali are the most surprised, and reserved, very few will look at me. They don't want the mages to return, they want to return to the fields at forget what lies beneath. I almost want to blame them for that too, but then I remember that the mages want to forget what they did for Kuja. I remember that for hope in dying, they did horrible things, just like these men. How sad, that the worst of our souls is what has bound us, not like with Zidane and the others. Eventually, the mayor allows me to enter the buried factory, the others are leery, but they say nothing. The machines are difficult and hard to understand, I think that I will have to travel back to Kuja's lair to find some clue.

That journey is more difficult that it seemed at first. I can't use the Qu swamp tunnel for this, and I do not have a boat, the invincible is needed in Alexandira. Since the mist began clearing, there has been problems. The mist was the only source of power for the machines, and the ships. The people had needed the ships to travel without fear of monsters, and they had planned business and lives around the quick shipments, and now it was all gone. I think Cid's is building up a fleet of ships that run without mist, they use some kind of black liquid that comes from the ground.

In the end, it is Choco who helps me. He enjoys having golden feathers, and he loves any chance to show off their use. Mogo says that he misses Zidane, he still hasn't returned.

The sand pits outside of Kuja's lair are gone, the holes into the prisons lay open, and the doors to those are open as well. The lava pits are gone, I think those were sustained by magic. There is no mist here, and the monsters he used to protect the palace have mostly left, leaving only the normal creatures, and a few moogles. Mogsam helped me read the books there, he even managed to learn Terran somehow. I stop by the mage village again to tell them of my travels so far, and then return to Dali.

The Mayor is worried, and even the silent villagers object when I mention my plan. Letting me see the factory was one thing, the idea that I might use it again... That scares them. I'm not sure how to respond. I need the factory, but it might hurt them to use it, I don't want anyone to be scared or hurt anymore.

The old woman - the woman who had never wanted the factory in the first place - speaks for me. I think she can bear it because she isn't guilty, not like the others, she always saw the factory for what it was, so she is the one who can use it without fear. She is so kind and gentle, I don't think I can ever be as old as she is, maybe all of the black mages together could add up to that, but I'm not even sure of that. I feel sad somehow thinking of that, I have made peace with living a short life. As long as we're happy and together, and we remember each other, we can be happy, but can we be so wise and so kind?

The factory hums, almost sweetly as it works for the last time. I have enough mist gathered for ten children, small ones, like I am. It seems important that children be small, although I don't know if these ones will ever grow. They look mostly like me when they emerge from the machines, like all of us really. I had to change the way the machine worked a little, the older versions allowed intelligent black mages. Kuja fixed that, and after that, black mages like me and the rest were anomalies. I must have done it correctly, they begin to blink their golden eyes at me, and hold their hands up in fascination of the miracle of life. All but one, one who sits still and does nothing, looking straight ahead at nothing. I ask him if he hears me, I touch him, poke him for a response, and still he does nothing to react. He's still breathing, I can see it. My heart hammers wildly in my chest. I take him by the shoulders and shake him, and still nothing. He stares at me, emptily, like the ones that I first met - the soulless killers.

10, Mogsam had said that it meant one in every ten. That was the number that had appeared in Kuja's books, that one in ten of the black mages woke up, and there was a note saying that it was the reverse of before. I hadn't thought if it before, but that meant that - that when the first mages were made, when they were intelligent, one in ten was not. Black mages with minds was an accident when Kuja wanted soulless mages, when I made mages with minds, I could have an accident too.

I touch the child's prone form again, hoping its not true. He looks just like the others, the same skin, same eyes, same cloths that we are all made in. I can't see any reason why he shouldn't move, why he shouldn't get up and look around like his brothers, but he won't. This one of ten will never move without orders, he won't laugh or smile or learn or know anything. An accident. A shell granted life. I cried then, wept and held the form that would never hold back, not ever. My crying made the others cry. That confused me because I've always been the small one. When I've cried, the others comfort me. Now I have to comfort them, I have to be the older one. I smile and hold them close to me, the way I remember Quan did for me when I was young and felt sad.

I don't know what to do about tenth child. Stillborn is what the villagers call him, but when the old woman explains it to me, I know that it isn't true. He is alive, he's just... not aware. She agrees to take him in, because I don't know how, but he can't even move to eat. There is no magic that can change that, he won't move for very long. I will remember him. Maybe I will see him again in the other place, and at least in my memories, he will always live. My son.

Quite soon, I have my hands full with much more than I bargained for, and I have no time to feel sad. I wanted to go back to the village as soon as the children were made, but I find I cannot always get them to move at the same time. The old woman smiles and tells me that raising children is never easy, even when they grow as quickly as black mages do. So we stay, and my children explore. They each choose names for themselves, one wants the name Chocobo, because he likes them; another wants to be called Jeffory, he learned the name from a man in town; the three that never leave each other's side call themselves Venni, Vedi, and Vikki; the adventurous one calls himself Flower; one got the name Rascal from the girl at the bar, and another is now called simply Quiet; the first one to be made always call's himself Vivi's son, and nothing else, he's the most responsible one. The villager seem to be growing fond of them now, they see them as something other than the machines they made before.

Winter comes and the fields have become white. Flower doesn't like winter, the threesome adore it, Rascal starts snowball fights with Jeffory, and the others play inside mostly. I think. The world is not as I had imagined it. It hasn't been long since my youthful naivety, but we Black mages grow swiftly, age swiftly, and die quickly, we have so little time for youth. Things I had seen as pillars in the storm change as well, because the one who I thought would never die, has been dead almost a year; Zidane isn't coming back, I understand that now. Sometimes I feel bitter about it. What right did he have to sacrifice himself for someone like Kuja? But this always passes, I know that for him to be our Zidane, he could never have done anything else, and in a way, I too pity Kuja, he was very similar to us in many ways. Not completely though, that scares me sometimes, that I have become bitter enough to hate, that a part of me has left that way, I wonder how the others might react to that in their Vivi.

Time passes, as it always does, the world turns and it is spring again. I think it is time to go home, my children are all active enough that I think they are up for the journey. I have heard that Cid has his some of his new ships ready, I'll have to use one to reach home again - I don't think Choco could handle carrying nine rowdy children. Chocobo is disappointed, but I think Flower is excited, he's always wanted to see the big cities from my stories, and Vivi's son wants to meet all of my old friends - but it won't be all of them will it?

Then something happens to change my plans. A salesman comes to Dali selling tickets to "I Want To Be Your Canary" in Alexandria. Real tickets they are, this time, I have learned a bit since my first venture into Alexandria. I wonder how Puc is, now that I think about it... Last I heard, he had gone back to Burmecia with Freya and Fratley. I think, in his words, it was a nasty case of conscience that eventually developed into a full blown case of responsibility, many wandering and far flung Burmecians are returning to help rebuild their fallen homeland. I think his responsibility might become incurable, but he is learnign to live with that, and well, since last I'd heard.

When the day comes to board the airship, Venni, Vedi and Vikki immediately take to the windows and never miss a single moment of the trip, Rascal gets into trouble in the first five minutes and has to be helped by a white mage on board after cutting his hand badly in the gears; Chocobo unerringly finds the stables onboard to play with the chocobos; Quiet reads, and the other content themselves with a game of tag. I'm trying to remain the father, to keep them in line and out of trouble, but even I can't avoid the port windows when Alexandria comes into view. The castle, the city where I first arrived after isolation with Quan, it seems like an eternity ago, but less than a year. We age so fast, our kind, I feel nostalgic over this year, but there is so much that I will never see again, the sword over Alexandria, Cleyra, Zidane... All gone into the fires of Kuja's madness. But now I do not worry for what I've lost, I am happy for what I've gained. I have my children and my village, and I know that all will be well in the end.

Everyone has come for the play, like this calls us back like it first called us to meet. Everyone including Puc, the rascal could never stay long in one place, even if he plans to return now, rather than run forever. He met Vivi's son first and had been swarmed by all the children before I came, straggling behind. He's taken to calling them the chibi-Vivi-brigade; they've taken up the title too, I think they love the attention they get from 'Uncle Puc".

Dagger's hair has grown back. although I suppose, now she is Queen Garnet til Alexandrios 17th. She smiles when I see her, right before the play, but something is missing, and somehow I guess that the smile is fake, or at least strained. There is a sadness in her that was not before, so maybe we've both changed. We've both had to face crushing sadness and yet stay strong for those who need us, and she has the who country of Alexandria that must expect her to smile for them and not fall into despair. Amarant and Lani come together, that does surprise me; neither has ever seemed like the caring type, and yet they are both at the reunion - which is what this has become, unintended or not.

The play goes, very much how I remember it. I half expect Zidane to rush across the stage into the sword duel, but that bit of improvisation doesn't exist in the real play, and soon the play goes beyond what I had seen before. Sweet and gentle, and burning in tragedy, it almost hurts now, to think that this was the role that Dagger took undercover, when it so closely matched her own life. Does she feel like Marcus did? Now he is on stage, waiting for a love who will not come to him.

And then he throws back his cloak.

I think I stopped breathing in that moment; from the corner of my eye, I see it's the same for the others. And then the entire crowd surges up and I am cheering and clapping with them. My sons are cheering too, jumping up and down from excitement. I think they may recognize the tail from my stories, but they wouldn't know the importance of this moment. Dagger disappears the moment Zidane appears, to appear later racing at full tilt towards the stage, she loses both her medallion and her crown in her haste to be in his arms, and I know I can't stop smiling. So the world has come full circle, and I think everything is well now.

We all have dinner in the castle - this time without Dagger poisoning us again. Although we joke about that. I show off all of my children. My children, I still feel pride in saying that, the most wonderful things that I have ever created, greater than any magic. Eiko loves them. It strikes me, that Eiko plays with them, the way that she used to play with me, but I'm older now, I am an adult and she has remained a child, not to grow for many times the span of years that I own. I don't even know how many I might have, or my children who are like me. Well, we have the life we have and that should be okay. It's all that anyone has anyway. I can't wait to show my children to the other mages at the village.

Cid's finished the newest Hilda ship, he says he will take me back to the village, take everyone in fact, everyone is going before heading off to their respective climes. The ship is glorious, larger and sleeker than any other he ever made, and the clouds rush along the ship like an ocean as we cut through the air. Not so much farther now, so close to home.

The village, so far into the forest that no owls even sound there, but the village was never this quiet. The brook sounds overly loud in the eerie silence of empty huts and abandoned garden plots, and then the graveyard, expanded beyond what it had been, as big as the village. Talk and speculation fades into resounding silence for myself and the others behind me. The graveyard fills the cleared field, filled with the props of black mage dolls that look like scarecrows, and others that look like they were meant to look like geonomes, and beneath those, the graves and body of one final black mage, unburied by the graves. The last of the villagers, died here alone.

I should have known, black mages die quickly, and I stayed away for far too long. But how did the geonomes die? How did Mikoto die? Wasn't she supposed to be like Zidane? Wasn't she supposed to live as long as, as a human, as others? I don't know. I wasn't here. I look about at my beautiful home in ruins and my eyes burn with anguish and regret.

Mikoto knew, but would never say, how long my life can last. I don't know, I know that I've outlived my village. I don't know if my children will be like me, or like the others. Will I live to lose every one of my precious children? So they will touch this earth, but only briefly, my sons, and after us will come no more. We will be the last of our kind, but we will remember the others, and I leave it to my friends to remember us. I stand alone for the last time in the village of my people, all the others have returned to the ship, after we buried the last one. I will take my children into the world and let them see and hear as much as they can, every moment and every day will be precious, because any one could be there last. Our lives will not be in vain, and I want to shout that to the sky and to the Earth. You see! Do you see Kuja, Garland, Fate? Only silence answers me, but my call was made in silence and that is enough. The airship will carry me away again. I do not know if this lost village will ever be found. Here I lived for a short time, and here my family lived, and here they died. I will remember this place, this world, no matter how long I live, or in what comes after life, but for history and all that follow, it is like we were never even here.


End file.
